SHORT STORY THE DAY THE UNIVERSE PLAYED A JOKE ON ME
THE DAY THE UNIVERSE PLAYED A JOKE ON ME
Automatic traslation from the original story in Spanish. Not checked manually
From the moment I woke up, I knew the universe had decided to pull my leg. It wasn’t a feeling, it was an absolute certainty, like knowing that bread and butter always land butter-side down.
It started with breakfast. I turned on the toaster with the solemnity of a scientist during a crucial experiment. But instead of toasting my bread, it catapulted it straight to the ceiling, where it stuck like a lazy bat. I tried to rescue it with a ladle, but all I managed to do was get jam on my head. A good omen.
I decided a coffee would cheer me up. Pouring the milk seemed like a safe task, until the carton, in an act of rebellion, decided to spill its entire contents out of the cup. My table, my pants, and even the cat (who looked at me with disdain) were soaked. The coffee, of course, had evaporated.
At work, things didn’t improve. My boss asked me to organize some urgent files. I sorted them by colour, size, and priority level… until I realized I’d been organizing the cafeteria menus from 2017. My boss, laughing so hard he was in tears, suggested I take a break.
Out on the street, a street vendor offered me an umbrella because the sky was clear. “I don’t need it,” I said arrogantly. Two minutes later, a biblical downpour turned me into a human version of a mop. The vendor, from his stall, gave me an “I told you so” gesture with a smile that deserved an award.
To top it all off, I went into a cafe to dry off. I ordered a relaxing tea. The waiter, with a less-than-friendly look, brought me a double espresso that seemed capable of reviving the dead. I drank it out of pride and spent the next three hours talking like a chatterbox.
Back home, I decided to give up. I got into bed, ready to forget the day. Then, the mattress deflated. There was no escape. But just as I was about to go on strike against fate, I remembered: life is like a badly told joke. Sometimes, all you can do is laugh… or cry, but I’d already done that with the coffee. So, I resigned myself. Tomorrow is another day. Or not. The universe has more jokes in store, and just in case, I’m going to sleep with my helmet on.
The Day the Universe Played a Joke on Me – Short stories series – Copyright ©Montserrat Valls and Juan Genovés